If you have kids...

If you've been reading our blog for any amount of time, you know that Adult Crash has a stable of kids at home. What he doesn't have is any records, shirts, posters, cd's or anything in general related to hardcore lying around his house. Partly because his old lady aka The Warden, would never allow him to decorate any part of their crib with a poster like this.

Anyway, I, unlike him, have stuff littered in my office related to hardcore and music in general. What I also have in my office is a wide screen t.v. and my Xbox One. Recently, my sister's mother in-law dropped off my niece with me to watch until she could pick her up later on. My niece is 8 and thinks of me as the coolest guy on earth. Probably because I let her do just about anything she wants. Normally, I am not called upon for babysitting duties, but she was in a pinch and needed help, so I obliged. God knows that Adult Crash would never let me babysit his kids. I have to watch what I say all the time. It's like North Korea in their household.

Now, my idea of babysitting involves me playing on my Xbox while she colors or watches, or both. This time around, I was in the middle of an intense Deathmatch and my niece is doing her thing, but after a while she got really quiet. As it turns out she was eye balling my records that are set up behind me. No big deal, right? Wrong...

I could hear her talking to herself and it went a little like this.

Niece: Whoa, that looks creepy. Like an alien or a monster.
(I thought she was talking about the game)
Me: What are you doing?
Niece: Looking at this....wow that ladies face looks scary.
Me: Yo, I asked you something. What are you doing?
Niece: That is really gross, there's blood everywhere.

At this point, I just died in the game and I almost wish I had died in real life. Because I turned around and she is eyeballing my Dead Kennedys - Plastic Surgery Disasters LP and The Exploited - Jesus Is Dead e.p. She was examining these two records like a fucking archeologist examining fossils.

Now, the Dead Kennedys record isn't soooo bad, but that Exploited record might as well be porn. My jaw dropped and I immediately get her away from those awesome records and re-direct her attention to my t.v. The last thing I need to hear from my sister is how I am corrupting her "precious cargo".

I tried to change the subject but she wasn't ready to let go of what she just saw.

Niece: Dead Kennedys...that's not nice.
Me: Uh yeah. So, you wanna go out and get some ice cream?
Niece: Okay...did those ladies put Jesus on the cross?

FUCK ME!

Me: Ummm no, they're there to help him.
Niece: Why do they have skeletons for faces? And why is there so much blood?
Me: OK, WE'RE GETTING ICE CREAM! LET'S GO!

Thankfully, she stopped talking about it once we got some ice cream. So far, my sister hasn't called to read me the Riot Act. Hopefully she never does. I talked to Adult Crash about this and he couldn't stop laughing at me. He laughs at me in a time of need. Some friend.

D.C.S.